Monday, June 30, 2008

Drumroll, please

I told my parents about the baby yesterday. I had been planning to go home since my little brother would be home from college, I knew they'd wonder why I was dry-heaving all over the place (lovely), and I felt uncomfortable keeping it from them anyway. Besides, with Tyler gone, I'm going to need their support whatever happens.

To understand why I was so nervous to tell them, you have to understand that when Tyler and I got engaged, they were not supportive at first. They felt that 22 was too young. I can see their point (and I could see it then), but it really hurt that they weren't excited for me at the time. So with this news, I'm already scared out of my mind, and I just didn't feel like I could deal with a lecture about how I'm in school and what am I going to do now, or about safe sex or something like that.

I wanted to bring it up in a positive way, so I went out and bought two bibs-- one that said "I love grandma" and one that said "I love grandpa", and wrapped them up. Driving to their house was the longest hour of my life. I was so nervous, I just kept picturing their disappointed faces. The dry-heaving over the steering wheel was also... unpleasant. So I walked through the door, shrieked "I come bearing gifts!!" in a slightly possessed way (what? I was nervous) and shoved the gift bag in my dad's face.

He opened it and they stared at the bibs for a second, not saying anything. I said, my voice shaking and starting to cry, "I really, really need you guys to be supportive--" and they both jumped at me and hugged me really hard (ouch! boobs!) and they started crying. "Oh my God Julia-- congratulations-- this is such wonderful news-- we're going to be grandparents!! I can't believe this!!" My mom was gripping my shoulders and telling me with tears in her eyes that she had been so worried about us trying for years and going through fertility treatments with all sorts of frustration (because of my hormone problems and ovarian cysts, which in all fairness have been serious enough to warrant several trips to the ER). I was so shocked by their reaction that I just stood there shaking and crying. They just kept hugging me and yelling about how happy they were. I still can't really believe it, and I'm crying right now just thinking about it.

It was all they could talk about for the rest of the day. I told them all of my concerns about finances and school and they told me not to worry, that everything would be fine and that they were near enough to babysit all the time. My mom started telling me about her pregnancies (summary: morning sickness for 5 months... hope I didn't inherit that...) and my dad started downloading cheesy old songs off of iTunes. No joke. I think I'm still in shock.

So Tyler was just as relieved as I was to hear that they were so thrilled, and both of us feel a lot more relaxed about the pregnancy now. It's starting to feel more real to me-- I guess it's been a whole week, hasn't it? I am kind of worried, though, that I'll miscarry after I've gotten my parents so worked up about this, and that they'll be really upset. I feel like I'm kind of stuck in limbo, because I don't want to keep feeling scared and upset about the baby, but I don't want to get excited either (in case I lose it). I wish I just had my OB appointment now so that I could know if there's a heartbeat, so I could figure out how to feel. If I get excited and I lose it, that is going to spell a lot of misery for me because I know we won't try again for at least 2-3 years, and I don't want to be longing for a baby for all that time.

Anyway, today I am focusing only on my relief that my parents were so supportive. I stressed about it all week, and now I only wish I had told them sooner!

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