Monday, January 31, 2011


I don't like to leave depressing/trainwreck posts at the top of my blog, and I have awesome news to share, so I'm posting two days in a row. Hell has officially frozen over. Or it's about to, with yet another blizzard on the way...

I got a job! Well, a residency position. I originally wanted to apply to residencies in general dentistry so that I could spend a year learning things I hadn't learned in dental school and building up my speed, as sort of a stepping stone to working as a real live dentist. Plus it's easier to find a job and you can make more money if you do a residency first. The divorce changed that for me, or so I thought-- kind of tough to be on call at a hospital when you are a single mom. So I never applied.

Then, earlier this month, I started thinking about doing the AEGD (Advanced Education in General Dentistry) residency program at my school, because their call schedule is a lot more manageable than smaller programs where there are fewer residents. I wished I had applied, so I asked the director about possibly taking any spots left open after the "match". He replied that he doubted there would be any spots left, so I should immediately get a match number because the match was closing in three days, and that he could interview me the next day.

Actually, it went something like this:
1:50: I send email whilst sitting in boring class.
1:55: Program director responds.
1:56: I open his email and start reading.
1:57: My phone buzzes with a text from a friend saying "Dr. [program director] is coming to look for you RIGHT NOW! HEADS UP!"
1:58: Classroom door opens and he pokes his head in and asks for me.

It was all very sudden.

Anyway. It worked out. I matched to UConn. I have a job for next year. I'm freaking ecstatic. !!! And pretty flattered, because a lot of people in my class didn't match to any program and the whole thing was all very last-minute for me... as in, I kind of circumvented the entire application process...

So, I can breathe easy and know that I'll at least have benefits, a stipend, and a place to work next year. I can support myself and Caroline and we won't be out on the streets. Which is always a good thing. Now I just need to refocus and find the motivation to get through boards and the next three and a half months until graduation. Easier said than done, these days, because all kinds of things are resurfacing and/or going wrong and/or distracting me from what I am supposed to be doing.

Said the girl who sat on the couch blogging and blasting loud music instead of studying for a board exam which is... um... tomorrow.

But I know I can do it. I know I can. I've come this far.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

You will have no problems in your home.

So says my fortune cookie. I read it and laughed hysterically until I realized that it actually pissed me off and then I quit laughing and ripped it up.

Caroline's in bed and I'm lying here on my couch in my pajamas eating Chinese takeout and watching Eat, Pray, Love (instead of studying for boards) because I've had a completely shitty week. I had tried to read the book when I had first started the whole divorce process, but I couldn't get through it. I mean, I was good with the Eat, that was all fine, but the Pray just bored me and I don't think I'm ever gonna get to Love, so I just gave up and rented the movie. It turns out it's kind of bullshit, to be honest, but I think there's some kind of rule that you have to watch it if you are a woman getting divorced and well, what can I say, I'm a rule-follower.

I've spent most of the past six months wondering what is wrong with me, to be completely honest. I don't know if I will ever figure that out.

Monday, January 17, 2011


Big news. Tyler and I came to an agreement on custody and visitation. Without any lawyers, or mediators, or judges, or hitmen.

::hallelujah chorus::

That was the only issue we had to resolve in order to have an uncontested divorce. For awhile there it was looking like we were going to have to have a long, drawn-out, expensive trial... but thankfully we were able to come to a compromise and now it's all down in writing to be filed at the courthouse before our final hearing. Which should be sometime next month.

Getting divorced is really such a pain in the ass. I don't know who thought of this system, but whoever did is not very bright. So, these two people can't get along well enough to live under the same roof? Let's have them jointly fill out a mountain of paperwork that's about three miles high, and have them arrange to spend some quality evenings at court-ordered parenting classes together! That should go well! Bring it in, you two! Group hug!

But, I guess that's just how it is when it doesn't work out. It takes a lot of paperwork to dissolve a marriage, and even after the final signature, if you have kids, you're tied together in some way for the rest of your lives. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, baby... you, me, and our divorce decree. Romantic, isn't it?

So, here's what we came up with. Joint legal custody. Primary residence with me. Tyler gets visitation every other weekend, and 1-2 weeknights per week for a total of up to 5 nights per 14 days. Alternating holidays. He gets two blocks of two weeks each in the summer. And I have to pay for one plane ticket to North Dakota per year.

He is most likely moving to Denver in the spring or summer, so the paperwork will have to be modified after that. I'm pretty happy with our agreement overall. There are some things I don't love, of course, but in the big picture I would rather give a little more than I would like so that I can maintain a good relationship with him for Caroline's sake. Things between us are civil, even almost friendly, and I hope we can keep it that way because it will be better for her in the end.

Life is good these days. I feel calm and happy and hopeful. And really, all the legal stuff has gone as well as we could have hoped for so far. You really can't ask for much more than that!