I signed the lease on the new apartment yesterday. I'm really excited about it. It's just been renovated, so it has all new appliances, granite countertops, a gas fireplace (!!) and a walk-in closet in the master bedroom! And it's on the second floor on a corner, so because of the way the building is set up we won't have to hear people walking around above us. I still can't believe how inexpensive the rent is (for CT, anyway). Overall, it is perfect. I just wish Tyler could have been here to share my excitement.
We had a nice phone conversation yesterday that made me feel better, though. He is getting excited about the baby, and he told me I did a really good job of finding a nice place to live for not too much money. I've started to look at stuff for the nursery, which I know is premature, but it's still fun! Tyler doesn't want to find out the sex (although I may have to throw down on him eventually, since I am the one who has to feel like poo all day long), so it's kind of hard to find stuff I like that is gender-neutral.
I like this safari theme, though I'm not sure if it's too little-boy-ish. Anyway, this brings me to my next point...
I'm starting to get really anxious about possibly losing the baby. It's still so early in the pregnancy, and somehow within less than 2 weeks I have gone from being really upset about it to really nervous about losing it. I feel almost guilty looking at nursery stuff because I feel like it's just not a sure thing yet. I definitely feel guilty about getting my parents and Tyler's parents all excited about the baby when we don't know if it is happening for sure, because if it doesn't happen, they're going to have to wait years until we try again.
And I know this is really silly, but what if this is my only chance? What if it's not an indication that I actually don't have fertility problems like my doctor said I would, but instead it's just some weird coincidence that I was able to get pregnant? I am kind of freaked out about this, even though I know that logically it's approximately the dumbest idea ever.
Anyway, I guess I'm scared that I'm starting to get excited when I am only about six weeks in. And there's the whole moving thing, too-- because now we're locked into moving, and if I lose it, we'll have this extra room for the next few years that was supposed to be for the baby. I know we didn't have a choice because our lease was up, but I still can't help feeling... weird about all this.