Monday, July 28, 2008

I'm back

And it seems like I was just here! I had a great time visiting Tyler and his family in ND, I just wish I could have stayed longer. The traveling wasn't too bad-- I was really worried about the morning sickness, but I only lost my breakfast twice on the way there and then I wasn't too sick for the rest of the trip. I got back late, late, late last night and then had class from 8-5 today so I am exhausted.

It was so nice to see Tyler. Six weeks is a long time not to see him, but it felt even longer with everything that's happened since we were together last. He took a lot of time off, so we just hung out and snuggled and talked about the baby. We decided we're not going to find out the sex, and we picked out the decor for the nursery:

Bumblebee nursery

We're getting really excited about it all. His family was so thrilled and so supportive. His dad is even building us a cradle. And we got to hang out with our niece/goddaughter, who is 18 months old and the most adorable little girl I've ever seen. Seeing her just made me so impatient to meet my own little one!

Then, sadly, I had to go back to school today. It was a whirlwind of information about clinic and scheduling patients and professionalism and blah blah blah I can't even remember half of it. I have such mixed feelings about this year. I've been waiting and waiting to get into clinic, but at the same time I'm terrified to treat patients and I feel so anxious about getting things done with the baby coming and all. I have an appointment to tell one of the deans that I'm pregnant on Thursday and I'm nervous about that too. I know that technically they aren't allowed to judge me and that they'll work with me to make sure I graduate on time, but sometimes I think maybe I should take it slow and take an extra year to get my degree, even though I've worked so hard to get to this point... I worry that all my worrying will be bad for the baby. I couldn't get the patient scheduling system to work on my computer today and I just about had a breakdown. I know I'm over-tired so I shouldn't put too much weight on it, but I guess I feel like my priorities are shifting a little. I've always been so career-oriented and motivated and driven toward that goal of getting my doctorate, but now I'm responsible for this little life growing inside me too, and I have to think about that. I guess I'll ask the dean how difficult it's going to be to finish on time and go from there. There are financial considerations too, since I don't want to pay an extra year of tuition and I don't want to accrue too much interest on all the loans I already have. Decisions... I guess being an adult stinks sometimes, but we all know that already, right? [:)]

I'm contemplating not telling my classmates (except my close friends) that I'm pregnant and just waiting until they figure it out. I can just picture it, as I get bigger and bigger they'll gossip about me for getting fat, and then they'll start to suspect I'm pregnant, but no one will know and they'll all be too afraid to ask. Haha. (You have to understand, for the girls in my class, I'm sure that getting pregnant is the most horrifying idea around.) I guess I would do it if I actually liked attention, but I don't really. I'll probably just let my friends tell people so that I don't have to.

Oh, and I got my boards results in the mail while I was gone.. pass!! With flying colors, actually-- I got well above the national average. That was a huge weight off my shoulders, and I feel like I can be proud of how I did (even if I would have done better without all the worry and distraction and morning sickness). Somehow I feel like I am getting it all: I already had a wonderful husband, and now my career and my baby are coming along too. It's definitely going to be a lot of work to keep it all together, but I think I can do it. At least, I'll think I can do it as soon as I get some sleep!!

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