Thursday, July 17, 2008

So nervous for tomorrow

I'm still at my parents' (and not feeling so hot), so this will just be quick update before tomorrow's OB appointment. I am starting to get really terrified that they're going to do the ultrasound and tell me that it's still just a yolk sac, and I'll have to get a D&C. Not seeing a fetal pole at 6w1d is not a promising sign, even if it doesn't mean a whole lot because it's so early. I just wish Tyler could be here to go to the appointment with me.

I keep seeing all these posts on the first trimester message board about how these women saw the heartbeat on ultrasound at 6 weeks, and it makes me so sad. I just get this awful feeling in my stomach because I feel like I know in my bones that there's nothing in there. I've gone back and forth about this in my head ever since last Monday, but as the appointment gets closer, I just feel dread. I've stopped looking up baby stuff because I am desperately trying to suppress any excitement I've been feeling about the baby. On the other hand, if it's just a sac I might as well know about it because it's not going to change, and I've been so sick that I just want them to take it out (and they will have to; I haven't had a drop of blood) if I'm going through all this for an empty sac. My mom keeps telling me that since I'm sick I shouldn't worry, but I know that it's the supportive cells and not the baby that make you sick, so that doesn't necessarily mean anything...

Well, I guess I'll know tomorrow one way or another. Luckily the ultrasound is first and it's at 9:30 in the morning. I'm supposed to be at the OB until noon, talking to the doctor and giving blood and such, but if it's just a sac then I doubt I will have to stay. Send good thoughts to me and my embryo...

And sorry I haven't been up on my blog reading and commenting. I have just been trying to spend time with my parents and distract myself until the moment of truth tomorrow.

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