Sunday, January 3, 2010

The last day (and first Christmas pics)

Today was my last day of being a stay-at-home mom. I start school again tomorrow at 8am.

I was pretty weepy today. I know that's totally lame because I got a whole year at home, which is a heck of a lot more than many moms get. But I can't believe this day is actually here-- it's been in the back of my mind since I left last December.

Our apartment is all clean and organized, the laundry is done, I made lots of Caroline's food and stocked it up in the freezer. Tyler will be watching her for the next week until he goes back to school, and then she'll go to daycare. I'm hoping that will make the transition a little easier. I just keep reminding myself, this was going to be difficult no matter when it happened, and it's got to happen sometime... just push on through the first few weeks and it will get easier. Picking up classes and rebuilding my patient family seems so impossible right now, but my school is being as supportive as they can be, and I guess I will just have to do my best.

It doesn't help, though, when people (professors, or friends, or whoever) say stuff like "oh wow. It's going to be so hard for you." Or "good luck with the transition, this is going to be so tough." Huh... really? It's not going to be easy? That is so disappointing. I thought it was going to be a walk in the park! In fact, back when I was finishing my second year and studying for boards, I thought "you know what would make my life a lot easier? Having a baby. I should probably get on that."

Hrmph. I know it's going to be really hard. Nobody knows that better than I do. And I am already nervous as hell about going back only to fall flat on my face and fail. I don't need to be reminded that that is the most likely scenario. Kthx.

Anyway. I was putting Caroline to bed tonight and I was crying while I rocked with her in the glider (what? It was only like the fourth time today. That's pretty good, right?) She lay there with her head on my chest for a few minutes and then picked up her head and stared at me. I tried to pretend I wasn't upset... until... she pulled her binky out of her mouth and tried to stick it in mine. Like it would make me stop crying and feel better. It was so sweet that I freaking lost it.

Sigh. I'm going to miss her, it's only natural, but I've got to stop making this worse for myself than it has to be.

You know what will make me feel better? Sharing pictures of Caroline's first Christmas. Without further ado...

Okay, everyone watch me open my presents!

Waahh! Too many toys!! Not enough time!

Yesss!! I got a ride-on toy! (Yes, she does pump her fist like this every time she rides it.)

Clearly, her first Christmas was a big success! (Those are for you, Kelly! You are welcome! :)

I will update at some point once I figure out how to operate myself as a mother and a dental student. If I don't show up within a month, send a search party. Wish me luck!


jCam said...

That is so freakin sweet that she tried to give you her binky! I definitely just teared up. It might be the hormones, but still :-P

Kelly said...

Wow- she's so much bigger already! (I guess that's what they do, though, right?) She's beautiful!

Good luck! Happy, tear-free thoughts your way, although, from a non-mom, I already know I'll totally break down the first day my future kids go to day-care. So forget, that, tear-free thoughts for while you're in the classroom or with patients, but in the car or grocery store, cry away. hehe Hang in there, Julia!

Kylie Mc said...

How adorable and sweet...the pics and the binky...;)

Good luck with school. Just remember you're not alone and don't bottle things up. Talk to family/trusted friends, cry, and blog. ;)

Ashley T said...

Good luck!

You're going to be fine. If anyone can do it, it's you!!! :)

myranda said...

You can do it!! Caroline will be in good hands, and the interaction with other kids will be good for her too.

And trust me, there is nothing better than seeing her whole face light up when you come to get her :)

Lyndsay said...

That part about her trying to give you the binky almost made ME cry! I hope your first day tomorrow goes well. I know it may not help, but it honestly gets easier. {{hugs}}

Susan said...

You have done so much this last year that you never thought you would, and you can do this too! Hope you enjoy going back to school.

Molly R Boland said...

Hi Julia
Good luck tomorrow. I am cheering for you from Chicago.

Kelly said...

Hope all is going well, Julia!

Elle said...

Just wanted to say that your DD is adorable and I loved reading through your blog!