Sunday, October 17, 2010


Caroline and I kept our apartment when Tyler moved out. It has its positives-- we didn't have to move, we are both used to living here, and her daycare is right across the street. But I didn't feel like I could keep living in a space that represented our old life because it made me feel sad and uneasy all the time. Plus, some of our furniture went with Tyler, of course. So I changed things up. Made things brighter and bolder. It's a fresh start. Not anywhere near finished, and I still have lots of blank walls, but... it's a beginning.

Here's the living room couch. I got it from IKEA and put it together, all by myself! Our living room used to be a bunch of blah browns, so I love the bright blue.

Our bedroom used to be blue with like a country quilt on the bed, but I re-did it in bright red. Which you can't really see at all in this picture and it also looks like the reds don't match each other, and in general it just looks kind of horrible. But I promise they do match when there isn't two different types of light, and it looks good in person. There, now you're convinced.

I've spent an awful lot of time at IKEA lately, replacing things Tyler took with him and getting new stuff to redecorate. It is kind of a depressing place to go when you are dealing with a situation like this. There are all these cute little families buying baby stuff and couples moving in together and being all affectionate and making out and stuff in the checkout lines and vom. I try to just charge through with my cart and pick up what I need and book it outta there.

There is also the problem of how to decorate when I have literally no money to spare. But I needed to redecorate in some way for my own mental health, so I have resorted to using lots of mirrors. IKEA has lots of them for cheap, and they help open up the place, which is dark and small. At first it kind of bothered me to be seeing my reflection everywhere I turned.

But now I kind of like it. Like I said, it's open. And I'd rather have mirrors than mass-produced art that you find stacked in an IKEA bin. We used to have our walls filled with paintings and art from different places we'd visited, but a lot of that went with Tyler, so I guess I'm just going to have to take some trips to fill up my walls again!

Besides, my new life is going to be one that actually includes me and what I want. Rather than centering around what I can do for everyone else while I just sort of fade into the background. So the mirrors are kind of fitting.

I like our "new" place. It's not our forever home, of course. But it will do for now. For the first time in my life, I have a place that's just mine. And it turns out that that's a pretty good feeling.


MJS said...

... and your hair looks really cute too. ;)

Best to you guys! MJS

edmo said...

I've spent a lot of time at IKEA lately too (we just moved and redid our kitchen) and let me tell you, I would never want to go there as one of those little families you saw (I saw them too). When I took my son, he needed fed while I was there and I ended up breastfeeding on a couch on display, and when I took my husband he just complained and rushed me. I'd rather go there alone! Your place looks good. Mirrors do make a smaller, darker space seem a lot bigger and brighter. And props for putting together a couch by yourself!

Susan said...

That bright blue couch is gorgeous, as is your matching shirt.

Jenifer said...

I wanted to say I found your blog a year ago and some how lost it up until tonight. I re-discovered it and sat here reading your blog this evening. I want you to know I think you are an inspiration to everyone who may be struggling in a similar situation. One of my best friends went through a divorce (granted they didnt have a child at the time) it was still messy for them. I told her then that sometimes you have to do things that are difficult. And you have done what you needed to do to live your own life, and you are re-building what you have. I congratulate you on finding what you want in life and how well you have begun the road of building your own wants and needs. And Caroline is beautiful you have done a great job with her. You should be proud.

Rebecca said...

I read your blog all through your pregnancy but had stopped over the summer and just got here to see the news-- from what I have read you would not take the decision to divorce lightly, and I am sure it was hard for you to do what you did. I admire any single mother, and am sure there will be tough times ahead, but I am glad you have made a decision that brings you peace.

Also- when my husband and I went to IKEA to furnish our first apartment together he turned green and almost threw up in the check-out line... so it isn't all love and kisses for the couples in there!

Lisa said...

It looks great! I can't wait for our IKEA to open. Baby steps! :)